Not soon enough

I wipe the tears from my eyes and breathe in through my mouth
as my nose is stuffy from seasonal allergies.
I’m laying curled up in a blanket
on my bed looking up at our pictures and I’ve been crying on and off for the last half hour.
as I continue to wipe more tears from my eyes I laugh at myself-
I’m such a baby when I don’t get to see you but I can’t help it;
I miss you so much and all I want to do is be in your arms.
It feels like it’s been so long since I’ve gotten to spend a whole night with you that it hurts;
That last time being sometime at the beginning of January.
I grab your hat and pull it close to my chest and;
as I read the message you sent
“I will be down soon” I can’t help but think that if it’s not right now-
It’s not soon enough.