We are one (an attempt at sonnet)

by Ya----Na   Apr 30, 2018


Every year, a new religion is born.
With that, a race of humans is formed.
If not, we make a thin line of the thorn -
dissecting humanity as it's scorned.

Mind and heart have shifted their positions;
we've stopped considering ourselves as one.
To bring our lives again into motion -
God will not be merciless to his son.

Searching for things, how nature embodies;
We're facing calamities: storm and flood.
Water still remains within our bodies;
oceans are covered with innocent's blood.

Looking for answers in the universe,
We've always ignored the truth around us.

    report violation
4


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Latest Comments

  • 6 years ago

    by gumshuda

    Good attempt at a sonnet, sg.

  • 6 years ago

    by Michael

    Sg

    A fine effort indeed, and I cannot add anything that hasn't already been said. Keep working on that darn 'Rhythmic syllable beat' and you will crack it my friend

    Michael :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hi Shane,

    it is always nice to see a sonnet posted. Kitty, is right when she talks about the musical flow being halted. With a sonnet, the flow should rise and fall with as the unstressed and stressed syllables are spoken.

    My advice is to look on you tube, as there are some good videos where the 'musical flow' ie. meter can be heard and is explained.

    As for the content of the poem, it rhymes well and imparts wisdom for the readers.

    Well done.

    • 6 years ago

      by Ya----Na

      Thanks Mr Darcy and kitty
      As I said it was just an attempt. I wrote it 5 months back for some contest. I won it because I was the only participant. I will definitely learn about the musical flow from YouTube.

  • 6 years ago

    by Kitty Cat Lady

    Shane I absolutely love the content of this. I'm far too early in my own sonnet attempts to give you pointers on the meter - but I think it could be improved in places as there are some words that halt the musical flow. Certainly the rhyme scheme and syllable count are spot on. Hopefully one of the experienced sonnet gurus will give you some pointers - it was really helpful to me to get their input :-) x
    =^.^=

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