Alternative Viewing

I went to see the Doctor, and to her I have confessed,
that at ten o' clock each evening I get terribly depressed.
Whether sitting in my armchair, or watching TV in my bed,
I can't prevent unhappy thoughts from entering my head.
It's as regular as clockwork. Starts with tutting and with sighing,
then by quarter to eleven I'm in floods of tears crying.

The Doctor stroked her chin and crossed her legs, like doctors do.
Said she, 'I understand only too well what's wrong with you.
You could try taking tablets, or you could always turn to booze,
but the best advice I offer you is this ...
Don't Watch the News!

'Cause it's war and bombs and shooting, and poverty and crime,
or it's Donald Trump and Putin talking Armageddon time.
Then it's hurricanes, volcanoes, earthquakes, fires and floods,
and Hollywood impresarios who see themselves as studs.
It's depressing little features after sordid little stories ...
broken nurses, angry teachers, country ruined by the Tories.
It's all squabbles over Brexit, or a madman with a pistol,
or another poll to exit for poor Brenda, who's from Bristol.

It's all doom and gloom and death, decay and misery and fears.
The very thought, I have to say, reduces me to tears.
But ... you mustn't turn to liquor and you shouldn't sing the blues ...
You just reach out for the flicker and watch anything but the News!