Outdoors

by M?ody Mesjarz   May 22, 2018


Is it just the brightness making me so fold,
or is it your defeated souls
they're keeping me outdoors.

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 6 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hello and welcome to PnQ's

    I thought I would read your first poem posted on here. I like the fact you have chosen to use a 3 line poem. There are forms, like the, haiku and senyru that have a 3 line structure. Unlike your poem, they use restricted syllables.

    Your poem talks about light as a metaphor, right? One of goodness and positivity, perhaps? In the presence of such light, one may well feel weakened. The 2nd line, an alternative reason for the 'fold' - this is where, for me, I loose my way. It could, though, be a person who has risen through adversity to become a better person for their tough journey? Line 3, Is there a typo in the word, 'keeping' should it be keeping? if so, does this line refer to the goodness of nature (outdoors) providing medicinal properties to the soul?

    I liked this, the way you explained so much in just 3 lines. If you like the haiku form, maybe you could condense it further to fit?

    Take care.

    • 6 years ago

      by M?ody Mesjarz

      I find my poem telling about the difference between me and other people and what makes me not fitting they cluster. The first line tells about kindness that they get from me and they don't reciprocate it. There goes my question is it because they are wounded and weak or maybe i don't care as much about myself that i do for them. The last line summarizes, that because of those things i get rejected.

      Thank you so much for replaying.
      I don't think i'm gonna show up here so often but thank you for propose.
      Also i'm really sorry for my english i'm studying it for 2 years

      Regards!