Olivia, I am sorry to read this but I would say that if you are strong enough to survive the sexual assault, don't let a flimsy blade defeat you.
Do take care and all the very best,

Ben

While each person's pain is their own, I know the feeling of the pain becoming too much. Of needing to release it. Too often, I think people can judge and look at a "cry for help" in a negative light, but we need people. We need to be taken care of as much as we take care of others. Especially when the weight of the world and whatever we've been through seems like to much to carry on our own.

I've used what you described as a way to cope many times before, until telling someone was the only option. I hope you are able to find strength in others who can provide a safe space, because you deserve to be heard and validated as much as anyone else.

I also hope writing serves as a sort of outlet. You can be honest here. You don't have to hide.

Take care.