wondering

As I sit here wondering,
did he finally drink enough to miss me?
did he finally miss me enough to drink?
did he finally realize what the hell he did?
does he feel bad for using me?
I ponder these questions often but,
choose rather not to show the weakness.
except for the tears that are flowing like a waterfall,
for the dreams washed under the earth,
for all the trust I put in you, and you still didn't care did you?
why do I still sit here and wonder about these questions?
well, I am hoping one day I will receive the answers I wish to have.
wondering about how you feel is the least of my worries,
just like you, the way you messed me up was traumatizing enough,
yes, these are my wondering dreams,
I know that these wondering dreams will never be answered but tis' better they don't get answered to much pain behind it all.
my wondering dreams.