Comments : Blank, that's the name.

  • 6 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    I literally just read this poem, http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/poems/1267445, and couldn't help but notice some parallels! How ironic!

    Regardless, this is a very relatable piece. That feeling of exhaustion where you just stop feeling anything, and you crave some feeling, which I believe is what drives people to forms of self-mutilation. I think I mutilate myself socially by cutting myself off from nearly anyone around me, becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy of loneliness.

    Anyway, I went on a tangent there, as I always seem to do. This poem made me think and be introspective, and I thank you for that. A couple corrections I'd offer up, for ease of reading:

    Original:
    My dull and tired eyes.
    And frozen frown, why does it seem to permenant?

    Suggested:
    My dull, tired eyes
    and frozen frown. Why does it seem so permanent?

    (Just taking a liberty with the punctuation, but starting a sentence with "And" was a bit confusing and permanent was misspelled).

    Original:
    "Are you okay?"
    That's what they say.

    Suggested:
    That's what they ask.
    (It would seem "they" are asking, so I would suggest changing "say" to "ask.")

    Original:
    "I'm fine." Is all I can think.

    Suggested:
    "I'm fine," is all I can think.

    Thanks for sharing!
    S

    • 6 years ago

      by Blank

      I wondered if I had spelt a word wrong, and thank you for the feedback, I definetly prefer the edits, to which I will change, thank you.