I Want Better

by schmetterling   Jul 25, 2018


I am not
okay.
I have not been
for awhile now.
This is hell for me;
just as it is
for those who
have to deal with me.
I wish there were
a quick fix
that could make every worry
disappear.
I have regressed,
and I am ashamed to say it.
I thought I was fixed;
that there would be
no more pain,
but all I feel right now
is exactly that.
I hate what I see
when I look in the mirror,
and I hate what
I've become inside.
There shouldn't be
this much hatred
toward myself--
I shouldn't be this miserable.
I want to be happy,
and I want to feel
the way I used to
because this isn't enjoyable at all.
I want to be better, again.

    report violation
2


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Latest Comments

  • 6 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I really, truly resonated with this poem. And I admire your bravery in sharing this and letting yourself be vulnerable. Getting better is scary. No matter what a person is recovering from, I know the unknown and prospect of the future can be terrifying. But you definitely deserve to be happy and at peace with yourself.

    Sending love and support. I'm sorry the pain has come back but I hope in time you can both find a place of healing and hope. Sometimes, we step back. That just means we're human. The simple fact that you want to get better is already a huge milestone and I wish you the best in everything. Depression and any other mental health issue is never fair, and it seems it never gives us a break. But I hope you are can find the little things and love yourself all the more for it.

    <3

  • 6 years ago

    by Michael

    I like the format of this piece, and it really does say it as it feels. Life is a struggle, and we have sensations of self-hatred. Finding love within is such a journey, and along the way we encounter the rough times. I hope you find solace, and keep writing and expressing :) nominated
    Michael

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