I wrote you a letter..probably a hundred times now?
No..Wait..Thousands.
Thousands of times my heart cried out, and I apologised for my wrongs.
My first letter was admitting I am garbage,
My second, that you deserve better.
But as time progressed, the pages were less stained with tears.
UNless I apologise for the times I took for granted.
Like..our adventures. I stayed for those.
Our times alone, they were all me too.
Fights? Walls up!
As I push, push, pushed you away.
I'd let you in close, then run and hide,
I loved you the most, it was suicide.
I am sorry for my wrongs, and happy for our rights, and as much as I miss you, I know we cannot be.
There's a beat that sounds like your name hammering away at my ribcage in the form of a broken heart,
Or rather, a mended heart that remains hollow, carved out an dleft with only emptiness.
I still care, more than you know, and caring will forever be a dangerous tightrope,
Unsteady as I bruised and ached, but those happy times I could never appreciate.
I was numb, in a different way for now, and you were addicted to my smiles that this sickness robbed you of.
I'm not well, and I promise to die soon, I will try, because once I'm gone the world will carry on as if I never existed.
I need to find strength for the right time.When is the right time to die?
I do not wish it to be cowardly. Not destroyed by this disease. I plan to die with honor.
And it is sad I never got to grow old with you (remember that song?) and it is sad I never held your hand and said "I do"
A soul without a mate, I walk and empty road, trying to become better, but it was you I lived for. Your smile, your laugh, and now it is too late...I mistakenly sealed our fate.
I never meant to hurt you, and I am sure you never meant to hurt me. We;re imperfect but not monsters, just perfectly flawed and victims of the world.
I love you. I write this letter to tell you I'm sorry, as I sure you are with me, although to stubborn. I wish you happiness, and know you are loved.
We will meet again when I'm not so fragile.
It seems though..this letter will be forever lost. For I can never be close enough to deliver it.
