I feel so completely alone in the world.
Its like there’s a plane of existence where all the people live, and I’m alone looking down on this world. Like I’m sitting sky top looking down at a busy city street, where people bustle like ants and go about their lives. I try so hard to connect, to reach my hand down and touch them, to be a part of it. But as I reach for the crowd, my fingers slide straight through the sea of people, and my fingers leave a trail of looping smoke that rises into the sky, and the people are still there unchanged. I reach out and everything is unchanged.
I have no friends anymore. The harder I try, the more alone I feel. I crave connection and genuinity like water but there’s a barricade between myself and the others. I just want to be loved but I’m rejected. The loneliness is bubbling to the surface and everyday I think it’s a matter of time before the tears erupt and I break down in public space.
My heart is empty.
