Why I am the way I am

There was a time in my life,
when I gave you all of me,
I breathed, ate, worked,
all for your love and affection,

Whatever you wanted and needed,
I made sure you had it,
Transportation, money for bills,
and your pocket,

I even gave you my whole check,
just to make sure you were good,
and I had to steal to pay mine,
but I didn’t care,
because you were my everything,

I learned to love everything about you,
From the way you misspoke English at times,
to when you were mad,
I just had to feed you,
get you in the car so you would sleep,
on the way home,
and make sure you had juice next to you,
when you woke up,

You were my girl,
My baby,
My lady,
My wife,
But then I became unhappy,

Unhappy with the way you spoke to me,
How unappreciative you were,
How you made me feel about myself,
And you knew how fragile I was,

You knew I cut and how many times
I tried killing myself,
and how we were emotionally,
attached to one another,
I couldn’t take it,

So rather than leave,
I cheated,
A lot,
and it came back to haunt me,

The last few years were the worst,
Constantly fighting and always,
at each other’s throats,
Our bad days outweighed our good days,

And still gave you all of me,
even when I wasn’t there,

I’ll never forget how good you treated me,
Unemployed for almost a year,
You took care of me,
I’ll forever love you for that,

But what did you do for me lately?
So we went through all of that,
just to become strangers again,
And two years later,
I still haven’t gotten over you,

This hole in my heart is so big,
I try filling it with different women,
but it gets bigger after each one,
and I lose a piece of myself every time,

The drive home becomes longer,
And quieter,
I’ve become numb,
to the pain I feel,

My heart is frozen,
and sometimes I don’t believe,
I can love another the way I loved you,

I’m trying to find my way in the aftermath,
Walking in the Land of Nod,
but I can’t,
I’m forever lost.