what is it about men

by A.S.   Nov 19, 2018


a fury from above
I call God's mighty wrath
all the pain in the world
on me he had it cast.
it burned a hole in my heart
housed an abyss in my mind
led me questioning reality;
contemplating suicide.

is my life mine?
or is it all fake?
why does the lord in heaven
give me so much hate?
I do good unto him
yet he drowns me in sorrows
I no longer want to wake
to see the sun tomorrow.
I am stuck in a storm
clouded eyes,
I cannot see the light
yet I still push through
why
why do I continue to fight?
my thoughts are in circles
I'm lying on the floor
I beg you, God, kill me
I don't want to live anymore.

in a delirious mess
it seems I've gone mad
but one thing I have determined
is that
even the holiest
of men
are bad.

3


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Latest Comments

  • 5 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Woah, this was hard hitting and emotional and raw, plus a hundred other things. As someone who's struggled with their faith and didn't understand the violent, persistent ways of suicidal thoughts... it's hard trying to find logic in our pain. It's truly remarkable how the human spirit can still strive despite not being able to see the light, not knowing why we keep putting a foot forward. But we do. Perhaps there is a sort of resilience in us that we do not yet fully realize.

    The "holiest of men" was extremely thought-provoking. At first, I thought of that line as a criticism against God, his omnipotence only causing more suffering instead of relief and healing. Then it also makes me think of the good we do as stewards on this earth. How it can seem even the best and most compassionate people are the ones punished... and we never know why.

    I hope this was cathartic to write and I'm glad to see this nominated, as there's something incredible about writing without a filter and letting the emotions be released on the page.

    Welcome to this site. Hope to see more of your poetry :)

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