Comments : The Dream of You

  • 6 years ago

    by D.

    Your language and poetry is better when you allow the images to breathe.

    ‘dream of you
    in the stems of cotton balls
    blooming white in the fluff of my headrests.’

    Is beautiful.

    It’s a really nice write, actually. I would honestly erase the final stanza though. It’s almost comical, and unfitting in the context of the rest of the poem. Using exclamation points in general in poetry is always a bit awkward (for me).

    • 6 years ago

      by ddavidd

      Okay I might not agree with you everywhere here. but I shall think about it as try to implement those I deem right.s
      The last stanza pushing the reader uncomfortable I know. I do it sometime as an addiction, purposefully trying to turn off the reader. The concept somehow goes with my mixture of new-age, Rumi, dialectic, background. If one has some familiarity with the believes might even enjoy them or at least ease his/her mind to them.

      Thank you really for the honest critical respond. I welcome them when they are honest. I knew you were different and we could attempt at real conversation in our dialogues. I am glad I was right. And thanks for your time.