I was so confused;
Trying to figure out why the target in the scenery around me looked familiar but nothing else did.
But then it all hit me as hard as an airbag going off in your face when you hit something hard enough with your car-
And I realized that it was you.
It was the target I’d went to with you to buy bathing suits for the swimming pool at the hotel we were staying in that night,
And my whole heart disintegrated
in my chest as all of the memories and pain I’d tucked away down
and deep inside a place where I thought I’d never see them again all came rushing back;
Making me dizzy and leaving me weak.
I don’t want to remember you-
Not at all, not even for a second and
I was doing good at forgetting that you even existed until that moment.
I’ve avoided all topics and songs that remind me of you;
Even going as far as to avoid the roads that I know have memories of us imprinted
Into the cold and hard not so perfectly paved stone just waiting to be remembered.
There was once a time when I would’ve argued that I’d never forget you;
Back when your kisses tasted like home and your touch was as gentle as a feather falling onto ice but-
As time went on your kisses didn’t taste like that anymore and,
the only thing you touched me with was the ropes and cords I let you slash
against my body in anger because you
enjoyed it and nothing else I seemed to do pleased you.
So as the broken memories made their way to the surface of my brain;
all I could do was fight to push them back down and swallow the emotions
building up in chest,
Remembering that you’re no longer here to hurt me as I try to forget you once again because darling;
I don’t just not want to remember that you exist-
I don’t want to remember that there’s a world with you in it,
Period.
