Me

What do you see when you look at me.
Came from nothing I built myself up and destroyed it in a split second it seemed.
Looking in the mirror hating me.
My reflection shows my scars of a man whose lived but isn’t living.
Scars all over my body from the wars I created and stood in unthinkingly.
Never thought just acted and honestly it cost more then money.
Death bed situations I lived.
More stitches more stab wounds it’s amazing Im still breathing.
Then I put a gun to my head pulled the trigger and wanted to end this.
Never did I want the thoughts I have to live with.
I let depression ruin who I could have been.
But thanks to a busted firing pin the bullet never fired and today I stand.
Lost everything and literally I mean family friends a life I built to start over again.
Been through it all and I’m not over it.
You got one life I’ve lived and here’s my second chance.

I have literally lived this. Been stabbed over 40 times being a hard head and street fighting. I seen my death bed 3 times and pulled through each one. 2 times was due to standings. The 3rd was because my heart gave out. I’m far from perfect. I let depression ruin me for the longest time. For the longest time I’ve been considered emotionless and no I’m not saying that’s a good thing that’s just what has worked for me. But it has its consequences. And for that I have to live with. But I get to live with it. Yes I did put a gun to my head fully loaded but a busted firing pin wouldn’t let that bullet end the pain I was in. Yet honestly I gotta say I’m grateful cause today I’m here. I get to build me again. Depression isn’t the end not if you fight the thoughts in your head. Your never alone even if it feels that way. Don’t quit don’t give press forward cause you never know what life will bring..