Comments : Come

  • 5 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I've noticed in your other pieces that you don't capitalize the "i" and I wonder perhaps if this is intentional? To show the "smallness", that sense of self that is almost diminished. I liked the pull of "do want" and what that means. It's alluring and daunting... this want that could manifest itself in lust or just the desire to be seen, heard, needed. I almost felt like "do want" could be separated or something for emphasis, just because the first time I read it, it broke the flow and I had to read again to understand.

    There's almost a manipulation here too, like that request to forget you ever begged. To put forth this idea that this person is hungry and beyond captivated. That they can't resist.

    Love the idea of the ego whispering and hinting at a potential chaos or an attraction that goes against the odds, that holds purity yet is fallible. It holds greed as well. I sort of got chills from that last line. It was both eerie and almost apathetic (at least in the tone I read it in).

    • 5 years ago

      by D.

      Hello my friend. Thank you for your interesting comment, and for helping me understand why I chose the small “i”. It was more natural than intentional, it just felt right although in all my writings other than poetry (at work, texting...) I use a capital I. What u understood from it actually made sense to me to unblock & understand.

      For the “do want”, I know it sounds a bit off, I tried to rephrase it few times but it didn’t sound right. It’s my way of begging for that person’s “will” to be (to want to come to me), to actually exist by itself, without forcing it, but it had to sound somewhere between “beg” & “order” to protect my injured ego from total destruction. Give me your opinion about editing it to be “Do. Want.” Because it is the only other way that feels right to me.

      Regarding the last line, it was meant to be eerie & a bit apathetic, after-all it is about total acceptance of an inevitable pain, while cherishing the beauty in it.
      Any pain caused by the truth is beautiful and deserves to be treated with peace, especially if it helps us reach a higher self.
      No matter how much we fight an undesired truth, the latter will defeat us eventually, and we will have to surrender and stop the war.
      From another perspective, at a deeper emotional level, lust & love tend to become more intense, tempting & addictive when faced with resistance. Another shape of beauty as well ;)