Comments : A Poem About Longing

  • 5 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    This moved me thoroughly, Daniel. If you haven't seen the film, I suggest you watch 'Before Sunrise', not least because it's marvellous but also because it will resonate with anyone who can write a piece so full of yearning and emotion.

    we were last night.

    ^
    should this be 'we were on last night'? Not sure.

    Take care.

    • 5 years ago

      by D.

      Thanks Ben.

      I had originally written ‘on’ but I wanted ‘were’ to imply ‘be together’ as a main verb, but I guess it could sound weird haha.

      I’ve heard of that film. I’ll definitely give it a watch. :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Star

    Your words, including the title, are simple yet thoughtful.. Those simple things that are part of daily life, are the most that cause the longing...

    I am not a master in writing, but the part that Ben pointed out, I get where you’re going with it. I do that sometimes as well, I know it may be or sound wrong but it just carries a different feel, at least for me :)

    • 5 years ago

      by Ben Pickard

      I understand, Daniel. It's one of those!

  • 5 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Deep emotions and well expressed.

    • 5 years ago

      by D.

      Thanks Dagmar, STAR. :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    I like the layout of this and the subtle undertones. A delight to read. Milly x

  • 5 years ago

    by Michael

    A sad piece Danial, that resonates with me on some levels.
    Nicely penned and it flows very well :)