A Letter to Jinx

My Dearest Jinxy,

The moment we met is forever etched in my mind:
seeing you, a scared little kitten, in a cage
huddled with only one other, your sister, after being abandoned by your owner.

I stepped inside and sat down.
I let you make the first move;
it took a minute or two, but you came out of the shadows.

For me, it was love at first sight.
Your colours, your fur and those green eyes...
then came the purr as we had our first cuddle.

So tiny in my lap, but you settled in.
I saw your sibling approach us
and - with a little encouragement - she jumped in my lap, too.

I recall that I begged and pleaded to keep you both
and made a lot of promises to my father, and to you.
Each promise is still being kept.

It was then we decided that you two little balls of fur
would be coming home with us.
Thirteen-year-old me teared up.

We decided your name was to be Jinx,
and your sister was named Princess.
You were such beautiful, but different, cats from the start.

You preferred laying on feet,
getting belly scratches,
and tuna was your favourite food.

Whereas Princess was a cuddler;
almost needing to be held each night
as if feared of being abandoned again.

She lapped up any and all attention
purring at everyone.
Of course her favourite food being Chicken.

Over the years, I watched you both grow.
I fed you the best food
with vet checks regularly.

We enjoyed many walks on a lead
where you rolled in grass and scratched the dirt.
You enjoyed the fresh air and thrived in your new environment.

I remember every day coming home
to a greeting from two purring cats at the door,
both so happy to see me.

You saw my ups and downs,
purring as salty, endless tears hit your fur...
yet you never made a fuss.

You let me dress you up,
enjoyed so many treats,
and our every cuddle was better than the last.

Then, all of a sudden, 8 months ago... you started losing weight.
You would barely touch your food and started sleeping under the bed
It was terrible: the Jinx I knew was beginning to fade away.

At the vet, we found out you had thyroidism
and we started you on pills.
You bounced back for a bit, and I was encouraged.

I started showering you with more and more love,
and Princess changed her habits too:
She even let you take her spot on the bed.

The end began when you started scratching yourself.
The sores on your skin looked so painful,
and your liver failed soon after.

On that Monday, I woke almost as if I knew.
The vet said we could try something else
but you stared at me with a pained, tired look.

I was there for your final breath.
I held your paw, petting you gently,
and I made sure you felt my love until the very end.

I am so riddled with guilt:
Did I do enough? Did I give up too early?
Were you loved enough?

I decided you would be cremated
so I could bring you home with your sister and I,
to make sure you are at rest in your favorite spot, by the tree,

forever.

I just hope you know, you knew... I love you.
Thank you for helping me through life
and bringing me light each day.

Princess and I miss you.

You are always in
My heart.
My mind.
My soul.

Much love,
Your cat mum