Neath Blossoms Fragrant ( A Haiku Sonnet! ) :)

by (Olwin ) Lee Mcdonald   May 31, 2019


pink blossoms bow down
as I lie here silently
beneath apples trees

I surrender to
scents that overwhelm me
and the sun above

the green grass is lush
daises speckled everywhere
here I can find rest

the air still and warm
cuddles around me
hushing me to sleep

My favourite place of all this is to be,
Neath blossoms fragrant, sweet for only me.

A Haiku Sonnet consists 4 haikus in one poem and a couplet ( last two lines )

Hope ive wrote it okay! :D ,,, ( This is my first attempt at one! )

Honest opinions welcome.

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Latest Comments

  • 5 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    This is not an easy form to pull off. For starters, the haiku has its technical criteria, then stringing four of them together, linking the theme to then be summarised in a single couplet is mind-blowing. You have done a good job, my main critique, however, would be the couplet needs to be, 7 syllables, then 5 syllables. Also, make sure all the haikus follow the westernised, 5,7,5 ruling- I know this is arguable, but the haiku is traditionally, a longer line sandwiched between two shorter ones.

    I hope this helps.s. your revised couple works just fine. As for your syllable counts in the main haikus, check carefully your middle ,7 syllable lines.

    • 5 years ago

      by (Olwin ) Lee Mcdonald

      Mr Darcy... Thank you for your comment !! :) ...It has encouraged me as well as showing me where I've went wrong which I appreciate so much! I forgot that the couplet had to have seven syllables then five! I'm going to have too fix
      that! So glsd you pointed that out... And I thought I'd stuck to the 5, 7, 5 ruling :/ Will reread or if you can be of help again advising me which verses I may not have followed the rule that would be great :)

      Thank you again for all your good advice and encouragement ! :D

      I'm learning ! ;)

    • 5 years ago

      by (Olwin ) Lee Mcdonald

      Would " my favourite place is this
      Bringing only bliss" be okay do you think for the last two lines ?

    • 5 years ago

      by (Olwin ) Lee Mcdonald

      PS I see now I have got the syllable count wrong in the second and fpurth verses. Very glad you pointed that out! So silly of me...

    • 5 years ago

      by (Olwin ) Lee Mcdonald

      In the second verse second line us the count wrong Michael? I'm not sure how many syllables are in the word "overwhelm " lol . or in the word " scents" now that I've reread it ...

    • 5 years ago

      by (Olwin ) Lee Mcdonald

      The fourth verse is deffo wrong lolol

    • 5 years ago

      by (Olwin ) Lee Mcdonald

      Okay... and thanku :)

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