by D. Jun 11, 2019
category :
Life, society /
other
Pack your clothes, |
Reading this the first few times, I honestly didn't think you needed so many commas, as the way you placed and spaced the lines gave a natural pause. Like the third, fourth and fifth stanza I thought didn't need the commas, but that's completely my opinion! I feel like a pause is implied when you skip a line. There's a tenderness in this, of the worry and wonder if the ocean and storms will be cruel, if tonight will be the night. That even the best of sailors, the most prepared of men, can fall prey to this storm and be captured by it. I also loved how you mentioned the kiss good morning but not goodbye, that emphasis that it is not the end. |
by D.
Yeah, sometimes I do that by mistake! I write poems in big blocks sometimes then separate them into stanzas afterwards, leaving some of the punctuation behind. I agree there’s too many! I’ve actually removed a couple :) |
I am glad to see this nominated. There is something about this that goes much deeper. Add to my favorite. All the best to you |
by Mr. Darcy
There's a deliberate tone to these words that bear more than imagery. There is a weight of loss and memory too. To me, this careful walk through sepia sand is haunting. |
by D.
Thanks Michael and Dagmar. It’s a little snapshot of a much larger story :) |
by Em (marmite)
Glad to see this nominated |
Glad to see this nomated. A superb piece not forced, flows well full of emotion. Milly x |
by D.
Brenda, Milly, Star and Ben - thank you for your kind words :) it was nice to post something for the first time in a small while |