Daybreak ( Haiku Sonnet )

by (Olwin ) Lee Mcdonald   Jun 16, 2019


Daylight drifting in...
Awakens me from my sleep.
A new day has dawned.

Birds are chattering,
As traffic starts to rumble. .
Past my window pane.

My alarm blasting!
I hurry to get ready,
Moments advancing....

The clock is ticking by so very quick.
But still my tea I'll take enjoy and sip!

~~~~~~~`~~~~~``~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``
Honest opinions please on my second attempt at this form :D

And guess what? I lost my draft and had to rewrite! ( again... Grrr. Isn't what I had originally wrote. .. But nearest to it )

Its good God loves a trier (so my mum always said, lol)

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Latest Comments

  • 5 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Nice attempt at this challenging form.
    The 1st and 2nd haiku/ senyru are ok. The last line offers a 'punch line'. The 3rd, however does not.
    Just a small observation. X

    • 5 years ago

      by (Olwin ) Lee Mcdonald

      Hmm.. :) I take on board what you are saying Mr. Darcy. I thought there wasn't SOMETHING quite right about the last line of the third verse. So now I know lol.

      I need to pack my punches!:D haha.

      I'll keep trying :)

      Thanks so much again for your comment and observation.
      Appreciated.
      Olwin.

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