Comments : Daybreak ( Haiku Sonnet )

  • 5 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Nice attempt at this challenging form.
    The 1st and 2nd haiku/ senyru are ok. The last line offers a 'punch line'. The 3rd, however does not.
    Just a small observation. X

    • 5 years ago

      by (Olwin ) Lee Mcdonald

      Hmm.. :) I take on board what you are saying Mr. Darcy. I thought there wasn't SOMETHING quite right about the last line of the third verse. So now I know lol.

      I need to pack my punches!:D haha.

      I'll keep trying :)

      Thanks so much again for your comment and observation.
      Appreciated.
      Olwin.