These four walls and me!

Locked inside my square box,
I threw away the key,
No-one here can hurt me
As there's no-one here but me

At least that's how I thought it was
Until not so long ago,
When I realised I'm not the Monster
of this nightmare that I know

The hatred & the fear
The failure and disgust
Were repeated at me every day
By the one person I should trust.

Clouded by my Mental health
I couldn't see the truth
That the person that I thought I was
Had been blinded since my youth.

That I wasn't the ugly monster
That self hatred made me think
That the fear that consumed my soul
Had left me on the brink

That the darkness that surrounded me
Was not part of who I was
Nor did it have control of me
That the anxiety used to cause

Depression no longer has a grip
upon my darkened mind
As now I see the sunlight
and I'm no longer blind

Addiction hit me years ago
when I was very small
It was the only thing that calmed
Amongst the horror of it all

I do not view myself the same,
as body dysmorphia used to do
but It left a lastly legacy
of a body I never knew.

I look at things more positive
and tell myself I could
because life is all about trying
and failure is actually good

That if there was no downs in life
We wouldn't appreciate the up's
That life is just a roller-coaster
Of Happy times and mess up's

That sadness is part of this world
Just as hurt and heartache too
and without all the awful things
You'd never feel the happiness you do

Appreciate the little things
That surround you everyday
The Sunset or the sky at night
Or a smile directed in your way

My life has changed in ways
I never thought it possible to
so If you're suffering like I did
Seek help, as it's not you.