I've been in this position and I can tell you now as a man of 38, it's not the answer. Cliched as it sounds, things really do always get better in the end but I do understand that it doesn't always feel like that.
Hold on, stay strong and keep writing.

All the very best and take care,

Ben

This was quite difficult to read, because even from the first line, it resonated with me deeply. It's heartbreaking how we can reassure ourselves that one small cut will make everything alright, when that can be the start of a vicious cycle of self-harm and it just keeps spiraling. We think the relief will be worth but it is often temporary and not enough.

I think the saddest and most hard hitting truth about depression is that it can numb us, so we do anything just to feel something. To feel a sense of calm. Some people think depression is marked only by "sadness", but it's much more complex. The scariest thing to me is learning what lengths we'll go to in order to feel alright, in order to continue the day-to-day.

Keep going, keep striving to find that "more". Because there is more out there. I truly hope things will be alright, too, though sometimes we must wait it out no matter how much we want a solution or way to get by. But it will come <3