The Cosmos in Your Eyes (collab with hiraeth)

by Star   Aug 14, 2019


my heart is full tonight,
for I have been loved by a poet.
you waited until the amaranth
in the sky withered into obsidian,
before stealing the star-stuff in
my eyes to sprinkle it over the
extinguished sky, while
whispering

‘the cosmos in your eyes
shone brighter than any
star I’ve seen’.

my heart is full tonight,
for I have loved a star.
you waited until you mined
earth’s coarse crust
to discover my impurities,
before you steal the specks of
platinum to scatter them
over barren land, while
whispering

‘the opulent warmth in your heart
is more valuable than any metal
I’ve known.’

my heart is full tonight,
for I have found the gold
necklace that adorned your
collarbones like so, and framed
your heart to be the most tender
thing I’ve known.

my heart is full tonight,
for I have loved you like how
gold stains lantanas
wholly, and in part,

like how high temperatures
and carbon outlined your
touches with diamonds.

my heart is full,
for I have loved you
tonight.

*Started with Mark’s (hiraeth) idea, then we wrote this together :)
https://www.poems-and-quotes.com/poets/507104

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Latest Comments

  • 5 years ago

    by D.

    Your writing works well together! Due to vocabulary choice, there are moments I can put my finger on who wrote it but that is not a problem at all! It’s certainly a romantic poem, one that flows effortlessly from image to image. I particularly enjoyed the third and fifth stanza as even though this poem is heavy with ‘starry’ imagery, it’s best when it sounds vulnerable and honest.

    ‘the opulent warmth in your heart
    is more valuable than any metal
    I’ve known.’

    is a little overworded. Opulent stands out as a little verbose? I’ve no problem wiry verbosity but here, it’s too...loud? A mouthful. Stands out too much. I also appreciate the change in lyrical matter to these small refrains but I found this part too disquieting.

    Liked it a lot overall, though. Well done both :)

    • 5 years ago

      by Star

      Interesting, I like it when you point out these things, it makes me more aware while writing.
      Thank you Daniel I appreciate your feedback :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Why am I not prepared for this collabs, AGAIN, this is something I never saw coming (like Daniel and Noura's).

    Tenderness, wonder and awe, mixed with some stardust and "star stuff" here. A love and light that knows no bounds.

    You two are magic. Point. Blank. Period.

    • 5 years ago

      by Star

      Thaaankyou so much <3

  • 5 years ago

    by prasanna

    Thank you for writing this with me and for rescuing the poem :)

    • 5 years ago

      by Star

      Thank you for writing with me as well :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Simply beautiful as well as meaningful!!!
    Liked the sentiments and the images you guys
    have penned here..really lovely!

    • 5 years ago

      by Star

      Thank you so much and for the nomination ^_^

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