It's incredibly hard to admit what you've shared, and it breaks my heart knowing that humans have to endure so much suffering. I remember being told by people I grew up with, that you learn through suffering, that suffering is just an act of faith, and it made me bitter to realize we shouldn't have to deal with endless amounts of loss, grief, depression etc. It's not a test of faith always. In my darkest times, I wanted someone to understand my suffering, not just brush it off. I've survived many suicide attempts and I can say the hardest part was forgiving myself, because that fear and reality of "oh I've failed again" is something people don't really talk about, but then I realized perhaps that happened because I was meant to see other sides of life. I hope you get that chance and opportunity to see more than the pain.

I also hope something can nurture the wounds on the inside, I hope that life gives you a reprieve because when every day can be such a significant struggle, it takes every ounce of energy to keep going. I am so sorry you are at your lowest. Please keep writing if it helps. I can't possibly imagine your loss, or that which is hinted at in this poem, but I give my support and love. When it may seem impossible to keep yourself alive, keep at it and someday I pray it will be better and less heavy on your heart.