Dealing with relapse is incredibly difficult, especially trying to process it or hide it from others, or fearing their disappointment. I was told that relapse is part of recovery, but no one around me really ever talked about it, and still don't know I struggle some days. I am STILL learning to forgive myself at 24 years old and recovering for years. It's realizing I am human and that I am living my life for me, rising up against the disappointment or shame that can easily tear me down to nothing.

The most hitting line is the "I need help, but I don't want help." I have felt this and currently feel this a million times if not more. I hate that we self-sabotage, I hate that others can say just take the resources and get help as if those steps are so simple. Help is worth it, I totally believe that, and most important, realizing that we deserve it.

It's a long journey but you're not alone on it. Thinking of you! <3