Coasters.

She said she wants to get away.
I didn't ask "where?"
because that's not the point.
Everything is too much here.
Nothing makes sense
when names and identities change,
when a tumor may be
something more.

His past self is
still laced in my memories.
Like cigarette smoke
that lingers -
I spray perfume to tame
the odor, mildly masking it,
but it returns faintly
without my consent.

I hold my anger in because
it won't help.
Parts of me
will never forgive parts of him,
so he's only a father
on certain days,
on certain nights
where I luckily don't remember.
How I wish our relationship was
axed before it turned this
complicated.

It's okay to be confused,
it's okay to be emotional,
I just don't want to be.
If it was a clean cut,
a concise separation,
then I'd understand.
I wouldn't have delusions.
I would have moved on years ago
and bounced back stronger.

We get along
like long lost friends
so why is this so hard?
We're coasting when
I wish we were drowning.