Am I Toxic?

by Maher   Aug 24, 2019


A train ride home from the city calls on many things.
Sydney is a big place and too busy for dreams.
The 7.30 train waved goodbye to St James
and churned its way through dusk as it rained.
It rolled along and welcomed more,
from Circular Quay, Wynyard, Central and Town Hall.

Then at Redfern board two pretty young things
in the tightest of dresses, heels and earrings.
Their hair made up to clubbing perfection,
their perfume drenched skin, like scents from heaven.
Their outfits did well to flaunt their curves
which left the imagination with very little work.

Upstairs they climbed as one shot me a smile,
my attempt to ignore her made her stare for a while.
I glanced at my phone and chose a new track:
"maybe this song will stop me looking back"
Then up she went after a few moments more,
the glass doors closed and all were aboard.

Three stations down and my head starts to ache,
the music was struggling to keep me awake.
The day was long and work was rough,
then to rush to the city after skipping lunch.
Though it can't be helped, it's for medical pain
and the specialist happens to be in St James.

The next station down sees her walk down the steps,
the smile on her face as she marked her success.
I'd been looking that way, through the glass, into town,
when her eyes captured mine, after which I was bound.
She paused, stared, then turned around,
to peer through the doors as she slightly bent down.

It's hard to ignore and to bury such thoughts
when the test is right there in a dress so short.
My phone started ringing and I rushed to the call:
"if I could just keep them on a minute, or more!"
But she caught on fast and came up close,
placed her knee on my seat, a foot away at most.
Her hair on my shoulder and thighs by my chest,
she peered out the window, her face by my head.

Across from me, sat a man in a suit,
laptop in hand with a distinguished look;
but that look on his face while caught in mid-stare
at what could only have been her round derriere.
Closer she edged as she peered outside,
I could feel her smile as I died inside.

I'm not the type who chases women or wealth,
but the religious type who keeps to himself.
But God almighty, what man could resist
a woman like that playing games like this?
Had I have done that, I'd be dragged straight to jail;
plastered on news screens, paper and braille!

Now was she toxic, or is that just for men?
Should I have done what she wanted
and laid in her bed?
Did she overstep bounds, or does it not count
because "men want that anyway" and she's allowed?
What if I were married? Would it be toxic then?
Or is toxic femininity not really a trend?

I ask as a man, because I'm honestly lost
as to where the line starts and morality stops.

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 5 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Brilliant. Excellent rhyming but a seriously important message. I was brought up to believe that a lady should never chase a man - that she should value herself and that he should always be the one to chase. Because something given away freely to many is not as valued as something that is hard won and unique.

    Yet nowadays it seems acceptable for women to chase guys and jump in to bed at the drop of a hat (and then get upset when the guy doesn't stay around?) Which opens up a whole can of worms with regards to sexually transmitted disease, lack of long term self respect and I think must diminish hopes to find true and lasting love since how can you trust that someone who leaps into bed with all and sundry will stay faithful to you in the long term?

    That aside there are definitely women who will use guys for what they can get out of them and men that will do the same to women. There are women who power trip on flirting with guys and leading them on often with no intention of following through who set out to confuse the guys and make them uncomfortable. There are also women who power trip on deliberately targeting guys in relationships just to see if they can split up the relationship with no real interest in the guy (unless he has money or a house to rip off then they disappear) Equally there are men nowadays who will move in on a woman earning a good wage and try and rip her off.

    From a female perspective and being one who chose to be single by choice for many years with no attempts to flirt with anyone somehow it had the opposite affect because I had to fight off more than my share of unwanted male attention. (which on more than one occasion became obsessive and intrusive stalking) So I have experienced the bad side of unwanted attention but equally have seen how bad other females can be to guys.

    To me it seems that it is a sign of the times we live in that some people (male and women) have psychological agenda's, to antagonise, upset, provoke or ruin another person's life for their own twisted gain without thought of the other person and the impact of their behavior on the other person's life.

    • 5 years ago

      by Maher

      Thanks Milly, glad you enjoyed it. I've been on the receiving end of women being that way, aside from that of this event, and it isn't pleasant. But, I know that not all women are like that.

      Modern society has been groomed to be overly sexualised and it's a scary thing. From billboards of practically naked men/women, to internet content, to people out in the open like 14yr old girls looking like 20yr old women about to go clubbing. Worst part is, people defend these things vigorously saying "they should be able to do what makes them happy!", but when something bad happens as a consequence of what they do, it's not their fault but the entire society's fault. My belief is, as much as many may disagree, that we do need limits and boundaries, or else things will fall apart. If everyone was free to do whatever they wanted, lewd or not, things will go way out of control. As morals disappear and people are encouraged to chase what they deem to be happiness, the world falls to corruption.

  • 5 years ago

    by Em (marmite)

    Maher... I simply couldn't pass this up without nomination
    Firstly because of it's fabulous rhyme and flow and
    Secondly because of the message you portray in this, that there has to be a stop to the blame passing... You could simply (if this was a real scenario which I guess it was) have got off at that stop and done something you later regret (if you get my meaning) and then the blame would have been on the lady because she was "asking for it" whereas in fact the blame is simply on the species (male/female) who think it's OK to sexual attack others or attack others anyway...
    Take care young man x

    • 5 years ago

      by Maher

      Thanks Em, glad you like it. This actually happened on Thursday night on the way home from a doctor's appointment! I wouldn't call it a sexual attack though, more of a very direct advance haha. You take care too

  • 5 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Let me begin with thank you for sharing and you said it extremely well. As a woman I am older now I have noticed that women are not afraid to approach the opposite sex and they do it in a very open way. They are not afraid to show off their femininity. But there is a time and place for everything and we either give in to temptation or not. I don't think there is anybody to blame. Sadly we are living in a time were we have a lot of sick people walking around we have to be extra careful. A man will sleep with a woman if he can a woman sleeps with a man because she wants to. This sure needs to be nominated unfortunately I have no more votes. Add to my favorite. All the very best to you

    • 5 years ago

      by Maher

      Thanks Dagmar, glad you enjoyed it. I agree, there are more attractive ways to approach people you're interested in, but today's society has been sexualised enough to see this as normal. People who refuse are seen as the weird ones!

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