Give me death but keep hypocrisy

Other than a bone disease, I have been healthy most of my life.
Lately, I have felt like a hypochondriac, because my health has turned on me.
I have days I have trouble breathing, times I think I'm going to pass out before I can sit down, my eyes become very red, and I become exhausted.
Yesterday I thought it was time to make death arrangements with my wife, I may live 20 more years but I'm still moving on.
I told her I wanted to be creamated and my ashes poured in Mountain Creek, a little Creek that ran through my grandparents farm.
I told her I wanted no one at the service, I have no use for hypocrisy.
I would love to have my son there but after my ex-wife left me and ruined my life, bankrupted me and abandoned my son as a teenager, I found that he keeps in touch with her and that hurts as though he stuck a knife in my heart. If I have to choose loneliness or hypocrisy, I will take lonliness.