I should have known
that it was the end
long before it hit me.
You didn't get excited
to see me
when I spent my whole week
looking forward
to spending time with you.
You didn't invite me
to events
or make plans with me
as I always initiated.
I could see it in your eyes
that love was no longer there,
but I told myself
that I was wrong.
When you made accomplishments,
I always showed how proud
I was of you,
but when I had small victories,
you said nothing.
When you couldn't sleep at night,
and found yourself
with the window open
gazing into the dark,
I held you
until you came back to bed.
But when I broke down
because it all was too much
or because you did something
that hurt me
you did not comfort me once.
Every Christmas and birthday
I put immense effort
into what I got for you
because I wanted you to feel special,
but you told me,
"I don't know what to get you"
in return.
I don't know
if it is the hate in your heart
or the lack of sympathy you have,
but no one
has made me feel
less validated
than you did.
Not the boy
who broke my heart
when I was 13 years old.
Not my mother
who emotionally abused me
when I was 16 years old.
Not the people
who bullied me
my entire life.
You left scars
that will never go away
because you did
exactly what I feared.
I put everything
that I was
into a relationship,
and what I got back
were the pieces of myself
which I hated the most.
I allowed
an insecure narcissist
to bring me to my knees
all because
I thought he was the best
I'd ever get.
In reality,
the best person
I will ever have
is myself,
and I better believe it.
