Flashback (Collaboration with Daniel)

At night, thoughts are magnified
by the rattling of gunfire -
one thousand frenzied clocks.

On the battlefield,
he's a hero.

At home,
a shaking shadow,

an ugly, frightened creature
masquerading as a human
being, sunken in the corner
of the room.

Around her, he's petrified
she'll realise he's a hurricane,
a delirious demon,
a relenting psychopath,
a monster
who clutches his
rifle in his sleep.

She lays still beside him,
forces her fingers
between his.

Does she know that
someone lost a limb because of
the same hand she's holding?

Would that khaki suit still look
as charming if the spattered
blood of all of his victims
were still flecked
across it?

Does she know it
is blacker than red?
Blood.
Does she know he cannot
love?

Those frantic butterflies
in the stomach are now brittle.

It is fire. It is fear,
and it is perpetual.

The nightmares are the worst.

The "please don't,
please don't"s of all who begged
for their lives. The screams
of his brothers in a lost battle.
The hissing wind in a stormy day
up on the white mountains.
The trundle of boots on the
grit.

"When will you teach me how to use the gun?"
She asks him, playfully, holding his rifle. It feels heavy. It looks manly.

"I was hoping
you'd help me forget"
He thinks to himself.