25 pounds
I've lost.
The weight
continues to drop
as my appetite
has decreased
to barely anything.
I'm lucky
if I eat a meal
a day.
I like this
because I used to consume
way too much.
My 5'8" frame
ballooned to 195 pounds
over the years.
My BMI said, "overweight"
and my jeans
wouldn't go past my knees.
I felt disgusting
because I was always skinny
up until that point.
When I was 15 years old
I weighed 118 pounds
at this stature.
People asked me
if I ate at all,
but they didn't know
how hard I tried
to gain weight.
Now I regret
ever wanting to put on weight.
My heaviest was nearly 200 pounds,
and I was busting out of a size 8.
Then,
I started a new medication
and I got broken up with.
I did not eat anything
for multiple days
because the mental pain
was too great.
Within two weeks
I lost 15 pounds.
After that,
I started to eat a bit more,
but not like I used to.
10 more pounds came off
over time,
and I feel more confident.
At 170 pounds,
I am starting to feel
normal again,
but I want to lose more.
I find myself
obsessing over what I'm going to eat
every single day.
I check my weight
more than daily.
I want the number
to plummet
to where I used to be.
Most of this is my lack of appetite,
but there is a good part of me
that wants to restrict my food intake.
I hated my body
when I was at 130 pounds,
but I should've embraced it
because 195 pounds was so much worse feeling.
I am determined
to lose the weight
no matter what it takes.
