butcher

i heard
that he was
a butcher and
a drinker

i heard
that one day
he got so drunk
that as he hacked
into the pig's leg
he misjudged
and took off
two of his
fingers

i heard
that when
he was only
five or six years
old his mother
locked him and
his sisters in
the closet and
they never heard
from her again

i heard
that one day
as he sat alone
in his dark apartment
listening to vinyl
and drinking gin
there was a thud
on the door and
when he answered
two armed robbers
took him to the ground
and put a shotgun to
his temple whilst
they took everything
he owned

i heard
he once did
time for doing
something
similar

i heard
that there's a
graveyard somewhere
in the dark country
a graveyard solely
for the family name
- but he may
have been drinking
when he told my
mother that

i remember
being around five
when he brought
home the brain
of a cow from work
it was wrapped
in clingfilm

i still remember
how the veins
bulged through
the plastic and
how my mother
screamed in
horror and
rage at the
thought of
having it
for dinner

I thought
about all of this -

as i drank rum

and cooked bacon

and peppers

barefooted

in the dark

and then

i cut my toe

and it bled

profusely

over the

tiles

i remember

how i drank

and cooked

and bled

and began

wiping my toe

all over

the tiles

what kind

of monster

was i born to

i asked

what kind

of monster

did she

fall for?