Inherited.

by Poet on the Piano   Jan 18, 2020


I couldn't handle it this morning.
Correction - I couldn't handle her,
the way she talked about it,
reassuring me neither of her
sisters could ever die
by suicide.

It still sends shockwaves
through my brain,
this reality that life has
never gotten brighter
for them,
only slightly more
manageable.
They are shadows
of who they once
dreamed to be.

It's not always about
reaching out,
because even when you do,
sometimes life refuses
to work with you,
and nothing and no one
can grant a long enough
escape.

These doubts, these thoughts,
have always run in the family.
I've known since I was a child,
since my mother taught me
that mental health should be
brought into the light,
since her mother chose
to dismiss and hide
a daughter's darkness.

The future is an impending
storm that never settles;
how much of the hurricane
is due to genetics,
how much is my own creation
or the world's betraying
touch?

It's 3 o'clock, I'm on my
third cup of coffee,
and no amount of cream
is enough.
I can't taste the sweetness,
the bitter bleeds through.
I'm tired despite waking
up at noon.
Sleep doesn't help when
nightmares accompany
its melody.

Where has the day
gone?
Where is the promise,
the hope,
of a life worth every
descent?

I've turned memory's
stones over, uprooted soil
to replant the roots,
yet the past remains
unresolved.

I want to wake up.
For good this time.

It's 3 o'clock, I am
trapped by the day
once more -
my limbs, my soul
tethered to a
road

that may be a
dead end.

    report violation
7


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Latest Comments

  • 4 years ago

    by Kakera

    I can really relate to this one. I adore it.

  • 4 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    There are so many things that affect state of mind and emotional wellbeing from hereditary genes, nutricianal deficiencies, misdiagnosis of long term illnesses as depression and a whole plethera of situational influences. Life can often seem insurmountable. Sending you a big warm fuzzy hug. Milly x

  • 4 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    A sad read, MA, not least because I related to so much of it. I've often wondered myself whether depression and those bloody black clouds are inherited to some degree or whether we only have ourselves to blame. I suppose ultimately it doesn't really matter - the effects are the same and we still have to find a way to cope. But we dont have to do it alone necessarily.
    Take care, chin up (if indeed it's down!) And stay well,
    Ben

  • 4 years ago

    by Brenda

    Mary Anne, I think some things are genetically passed from generation to generation. Mental health I think should be brought to the light and not hidden away. Hopefully being aware of it existing in another family member can help us deal with it in our own lives, not feeling alone in all of this. Depression is a hard road to travel, especially when you are trying everything to change things. Keep fighting this fight, I believe in you and I know you are a very strong woman. Hugs-

  • 4 years ago

    by Star

    So many things are the result of genetics, including mental health, and so many people choose not to believe that.
    As much as mental health needs awareness, so does genetics. So many thinks could be prevented being aware of that.

    This brought me chills, and it’s so sad that I can feel the emotions poured into it!!
    <3

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