I’ve been craving a family setting a lot lately.
Movie nights and kisses on the forehead while my daughter giggles in her pac n play-
Jokes from my mother in law and listening to your gram and pap
go back and forth over something stupid while we all roll our eyes and smile at them;
They’ve been together for forever and it’s a daily thing now.
I need the nights where it feels like home;
Where I pipe in and everyone gets on me in a joking manner like
“Listen here ya funky little sh*t, nobody asked you”.
But these days all I get is a “maybe next time” or a “not tonight” when I ask to stay over-
So I just say goodbye and walk up the stairs to
my apartment where my dad and dog await me,
Already missing my kid
because I know it’s better for her to stay with you since I work constantly.
I sit down on my couch and sigh-
I miss feeling like I was a constant part of your family.
Now all I do is work and work and work to provide for my ten month old-
Who you get to see and take care of all the time and it’s honestly not fair;
I miss her all the time but it’s okay.
Ill just continue to sit here and take a sip of my coffee.
I’ll just continue to sit here and plan out a life for myself and Charlotte.
I’ll just continue to be here and focus on my career.
And I’ll just continue to work hard
while I save for a new car,
A better place to live,
And make a life for me and my kid-
With or without you.
I need that family setting;
But sometimes you have to work hard to create your own
when you can’t have the one you want.
