Isn't it something that we can think we are our own worst enemies? If we get in the way of our own healing, we can be our worst critics, not allowing ourselves to forgive all our wrongdoings, no matter how much we regret them. As long as we can learn from something, I believe there can be hope still.

"and hope that someone finds a way
to decode all my hopes and fears"

- I thought this was one of the most powerful lines I've read. It reads as a plea too. Just to have someone try, try and understand, try and grant some relief. Some reprieve.

Be gentle with yourself, I'm sure it's not easy, a lot of things in this world aren't, just keep holding on. Keep writing, letting those emotions and truths spill out.