Comments : More Therapeutic Than Silence

  • 4 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    You've been sharing quite a lot lately, and I am determined to read more! I couldn't help that this one stuck with me the most.

    I kept coming back to this line:

    "There are no birthday parties
    beyond the gates of death."

    - I felt like a child here. When you anticipate, when there's such excitement, just in being surrounded by those you love. Yet, here, there's a loneliness. Or maybe an acceptance of what's to come.

    "Life always disintegrates into intelligence and cockroaches."

    - The bluntness in this, the reality. It made me think of how we may cover our eyes, desperate to see beauty, even fantasy, in the aspects of life that hurt us.

    "Time like rats munches on the edges of these books."

    - Maybe have a few commas here? "Time, like rats, munches"
    Again, very visual. And raw.

    "Inks always stain papers.
    Though sometimes their stain is purer and whiter than blank."

    - I thought this might flow better as "black" instead of "blank"?

    This line was interesting, because it made me think of the way we try to avoid the errors, cover up the mistakes, yet the ink spills, the errors in our ways, may hold more truth and parts of ourselves than the edited ones.

    "Sometimes scream is more therapeutic than silence.
    Meaning start to nest between the spaces of inky stains
    in the pain stolen silence
    from the delirium of noises."

    - I think this would read better and more smoothly as "Sometimes a scream" or "Sometimes screams are more...."
    - And should it be "Meaning starts to nest"
    - "pain stolen" sounded a bit awkward?

    What I LOVED is the acknowledgement of that kind of release here. To not have everything bottled up, to allow yourself that outlet, that scream, can indeed be more therapeutic and healing than holding everything in. It was expressed so well in this poem.

    "I am still warring to “no end” to continue."

    - I truly felt this line. The conflict, the struggle for surviving and maybe someday, to even thrive. To blossom. To have resolutions within.

    "I am learning incessantly
    in determination of
    my acts, not, achievements."

    - And wisdom in these lines. Following not the wins and rewards of everything you've gained, but noting and appreciating the passion in which you've tried or completed or not completed goals in life.

    Very thought-provoking! I truly enjoyed this piece and hope it was alright to leave some of my thoughts, too. Only suggestions that are my opinions though. Please keep sharing.

    • 4 years ago

      by BOB GALLO

      Thank you so much Am. I implemented your suggestions, except the blank. that I meant unwritten lines, papers... by it and cannot be replaced by black.
      I am so glad that you pay attention to my works, and honored.