by prasanna
There should be a comma after lingering, but apart from that. I really like this. It reminded me of 'a picture of dorian grey' for some reason. Lately your poems have a surreal feeling to it, I'm really enjoying that. |
by Star
Thank you ^_^ |
by Sunshine
i really loved your style here. it's very refreshing and different. The word choice were very atomic indeed and the overall scene is kind of visual. It's a very appealing poem! I would have loved to nominate it! |
by Star
The thought counts ^_^ |
by D.
'As' here is used in the same way as 'while', so the inclusion of a comma doesn't make sense. I would remove it. :) It doesn't assist the flow either. |
by Star
I like your comments, thank you so much :) |