Late Questions

by nouriguess   Apr 17, 2020


At 2:36 a.m., I try to
to figure out why depression
chose me.

Why it makes it a challenge
to make breakfast, why
the toothbrush feels much
heavier than it looks, why
water feels harsh
on my skin.

Why the mirror thinks that
my face is lifeless, that
my elbows are too big, that
the purple dress would look better
on a pig, that the lipstick
would be wasted on
lips like mine.

At 2:36 a.m. I try to guess
why depression follows me,
wears my jeans, knows the way
to my work, kisses my lover,
and sounds like me
when it shouts,
and breathes like me
when it's quiet.

Why it narrates for my mind
every escape, every bomb, every
bullet, the cries, news, numbers,
bodies, hospital lobbies,
tombstones, last words, heartbreaks,
tortured inmates, cruel winters.
But never
reminds me that
I'm a survivor, a warrior.

Why it has to be this abusive.
Why I can't help being this submissive.

In a few hours, depression
will wake me up, without letting
me get up. Depression
will scatter across the room
it's voice that insists:
"Give up
give up
give up"

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 4 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    You know, personifying depression is something I don't think is written out enough. It's something many of us feel, but in different ways, and so each phrase holds a memory and way it's affected us in ways we can't forget. Depression can, at its root, seem the same to us, yet it can chase and take different forms. I don't think it gives more power to depression to voice all the ways it tears us down, because depression can grow stronger in silence.

    This is personal, raw, and truly telling to how manipulative and deceitful depression is. How easy it can be to lean on it, to believe it, because it can have such a persuasive voice. Making us believe we are too weak to fight back.

    Keep fighting, even harder <3

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