napowrimo: on absence (day 17)

absence is the gentle undressing of self; what goes first is not peace, but the ego. you are now primed to place the absentee above all else. the ocean beckons to you with its siren songs – you are well acquainted with the truth, but the slightest possibility of a reunion fuels your furnace now.

the ocean churns itself in playful delight, spitting seafoam at your feet as an offering of peace. you seize a breath and waddle into the ocean, the frigidness shocks your body. every perceptible sense tells you to turn around, but the rope tied around your neck is taut. whether it’s a noose or a life preserver is unknown. the saltiness burns your nose as you become almost eye level with the ocean. you do not hesitate. and take another step.

there are different types of ghosts.

a dead ghost, that stalk the earth because of something unresolved.
a living ghost, the part that anchored them to the earth died.
and a ghost in limbo; nestled neatly between the living and the dead.

you sing the siren songs, you light incense, offering food and drink, offering the warmth you’ve once shared. you offer nothing. you offer everything. the silence is all you can muster to say. the silence torments you and you heave every unsaid sentiment at it.

absence is the violent deterioration of self.

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instead of a visual, i made a little song that samples 'pusong sugatan' by claire dela fuente.
link: https://wi.to/1408f612b04720c8