Decay (collab with hiraeth)

Saved this for my last read before I log off for the night. I hope you two both know how epic it is when you write a collab! That's why I have to share each thought stanza-by-stanza.

"What may come of the sunflowers
blossoming before schedule?
Life is ill-equipped; the sun
offers no apology to the
depleted soils that are
plunged into responsibility."

- Love when poems start off with questions. I felt a sense of worry, of concern. It was interesting how you wrote that life is ill-equipped, as usually I hear that being used to describe an individual. Here, you made it more universal. The struggle and burden of the soil, the unapologetic sun... you made each verse come alive.

"The grass underneath incubated
our surviving sanity; the shedding
of an early bloom will only stifle
the humanity left within us.
The moon offers no apology
to the yellow petals that face
east, anticipating the new rise."

- Great choice of "incubated". I felt like every word was chosen so precisely and worked to add so much depth. The continuation of offering no apology, yet now speaking of the moon, was neat.

"April is the wayward month,
spilling cleansing rains one
moment and frigid snow the
next. The season of rebirth,
the roots know this when
they bud, yearning to kiss
sunlight."

- I wasn't 100% sure of "spilling cleansing rains", since the two words both ended with -ing. The theme of rebirth plays here, yet I felt a hesitancy, an anticipation, when it is technically spring, yet there is rain then snow and more uncertainty.

"This time though
the shoots dread the warmth,
the leaves hesitating whether
to drink the offered light
or to question the ambiance
that now carries more oxygen."

- Loved the continuation of the indecision, maybe even mistrust.

"Suffocating, they turn towards
the sky that is on fire; the sun
eclipses leaving them with no
respite. They expunge themselves
before collapsing into a mass
grave, not knowing the
nourishing touch of sunlight,
never dancing under rainy
skies."

- That urgency, that feeling of chaos and being smothered hits hard here.
- Maybe add a comma after "eclipses" for better flow in: "the sun eclipses leaving them"
- The "collapsing into a mass grave" felt tragic, felt heavy, final.
- "expunge" felt like such a harsh sounding word, but it's growing on me. Also, "rainy skies" could have been worded better possibly, something else similar to "rainy"? Not sure, just throwing thoughts out there, it felt almost too simple? But maybe that works for the last line of that stanza. Leaving the reader with the despair.

"Dying before the world was
ready to offer them everything
they deserve. Instead
they are cadavers
going back to the soil,
offering themselves
to the world."

- Ahh, that sacrifice, that offering.... just wow. One last thought, I wasn't a fan of the "going back to the soil", maybe "returning" or a better verb? "going back" didn't feel as meaningful, as purposeful.

I simple adore the depth in this, the way you two work seamlessly together to personify nature and speak of seasons, of decay, of the devastating twists and turns of nature and the cycle of life.

<3

I'm glad to see this poem escaped the weekend abyss!! Good luck with it :)

Hello Star and hiraeth,

Decaying into life as life decays into itself in an outstanding poem. An undecorated truth in the brutal drama of nature. Your insight and understanding of the realities of the natural world and to portray these qualities in poetry is deserving of much praise. A wonderful collaboration with a keen awareness and a coming together of passions. Accolades galore.

Kind regards, Tony.

This is really lovely so well done both of you. It's not eligible for nomination right now because of the weekend. Hopefully it will not fall into the P&Q abyss and will be eligible later on. I will definitely nominate it if it comes up. Really enjoyed this one.