Words can't express how proud you should be, at surviving last year, enduring the pain, keeping your head up and letting your voice be heard here. There is a grace in your words, and I commend you time and time again for sharing your story, something so emotional yet you are able to come back and still face the day. That takes immense courage. So many lines in this that about choked me up:

"I figured that if he ruined me,
then I could ruin myself."

- Wow. The power we can give to others, the way we can permit ourselves to continue the hurt, because we feel we deserve it... yet we are so much more. No one deserves that kind of pain, ever.

How true about physical and mental wounds. The physical ones may heal and fade over time, but it will take more work and patience to process and get through the mental wounds. It doesn't mean that the battle will be impossible, hopefully it will be even more rewarding knowing how you came out on the other side.

So proud of you. And I will share too, as someone close to your age (just a few years older), I've gone through relapses too. It's discouraging and hard to get back on track, but it in no way makes you any less of a person, and I think you realize that here. I've been dealing with SH for around 8 or 9 years, and I've learned a lot in the journey of forgiving yourself and understanding these things will happen. It's how we deal with them and the gentleness we allow ourselves to receive.

<3