Unknown sickness

Am I dammed?
I’ve craved to move beyond.
Instead I have mystery’s,
My body no longer strong.

Sometimes,
I wish this Illness would take me.
So I could be whole,
So I could be free.

Instead it’s needle here,
Blood test there.
New prescriptions,
But not a single care.

I wish I knew it’s name,
This strong old foe.
The one who prevents living life,
Only letting problems grow.

I think it’s my punishment,
I must’ve offended God.
That’s got to be it,
My own dancing macabre.

I have a way out,
Though it’s looked down on.
I just want this to be over,
Stop the repeat; shuffle the song.

One too many pills?
Or please take me in my sleep.
This pain is unimaginable,
I’m not strong, I’m weak.

To this unknown sickness you’ve won,
You can say check mate.
Now either leave me entirely,
Or shine that light; it’s my fate.