I don’t pretend to know what you have been through, but looking at your country of residence I can draw some conclusions from my own personal experiences. PTSD has taken some of the strongest men, and women, I have ever known. They all tell me I have to learn to live with it, which is probably the most disheartening thing I have ever heard, because it implies that it can’t be beat. You still exist, just with scars that can’t be seen. You are savable, but by your own hand. Though no one can fix you, they can stand by your side as you fix yourself. You are stronger than you think you are, after all... you got up this morning. You survived the reality, the nightmares are the scar. Take it one step at a time, and your next step is easier than you think; Live.

I am glad you write through this, when there are bad days that take everything from you. Being able to do so and express that pain is important. This was incredibly personal and heart-breaking, and I can only continue to offer my love and support, always. The "lost cause" lines made my heart ache, because I think that is when we are our worst critics, when we don't have hope for ourselves. And it's not necessarily about becoming "un-broken" or suddenly "savable" or "cured". Sometimes, all we can do is try and just exist for the time being. Until we can do more. There should be no shame or apologies or fear of disappointing there... you are worth the time and effort and care of others. Even though I'm sure it's frustrating in ways I cannot even fathom. I also related to the "what doesn't kill you" line, because so often I hear, oh, it will make one stronger... but it doesn't mean the pain goes away. And there are times we don't feel strong, even when others tell us we are warriors, you know?

Take care, continually proud of you <3