One day a chemistry teacher back home in high school dipped a Litmus paper in sulphuric acid in the lab in front of us to show how it turns red. But the paper was old and defected and did not get red, though he was so adamant to pretend that it was. So I said: red is red. At least we have seen the teacher's face turned red instead ( I meant out of embarrassment).
He laughed and said : Also you butt is going to be proven alkaline, because I am going to kick it blue.
That day we learned chemistry.