I shamefully doubt the ingenuity and sincerity of the people I surround myself with in recent years. Keeping a mental record of sorts and logging each one that fails to prove good intention and each one to keep my best interests in mind–if they do, they have a effed up way of showing it. And I am scared. I am tired of being scared. I have spent my whole life being scared and living in a constant state of trauma. I don’t know how to live any other way. I am tired of being scared and sad and depressed. I do not feel that is my purpose and it is not true to my heart. How do I show them that I am beautiful beyond flesh and aesthetics, that I am capable of unconditional love and being loved, that I am deserving of happiness and forgiveness?
