I did it,
I hit a year.
Somehow
I managed
to come this far
despite everything.
August 29th, 2019
I wanted to kill myself.
There was no hope left in me,
and I couldn't see a future
for myself.
Despite many years clean,
despite people being there for me,
despite the future ahead,
I couldn't imagine
waking up that next morning.
It all comes so suddenly
that wave of pure helplessness.
I almost did it,
but luckily I was stopped.
Since then
I have had to rebuild myself
from the roots
to the clouds.
To this day
I struggle,
and I will always
have a harder time.
The best I can do
is learn how to manage this
rather than pretend
like it doesn't exist.
I don't want to die anymore,
but that doesn't mean
that my life is simple again.
One year clean,
I hope this is the last time
I ever have to say this.
