Comments : when you're tired of living

  • 3 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    I like the neat and tidy way 4 rhyming quatrains look to me. :)

    No matter how much we accept our present states we can't fully erase the past. Although the past can be harnessed there are some things that overwhelm.

    There are many lines/ turns of phrases that I like. Nice job.

  • 3 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Lovely work, MA. I haven't read too many rhyming pieces from you but this is effortless and the rhyming is well constructed and entirely unforced.
    Sad, but lovely. Take care.

  • 3 years ago

    by Em

    Hello there.
    The title called to me because I've had many days recently where I too have been really tired of living but something has pulled me through, this year especially has been tough on even the strongest of us hasn't it, with furlough and loss of jobs etc etc unfortunately but I am a believer than when it's our time, no matter the way, then it's our time.
    I love this opening especially the first two lines because they make me believe that expectations are high for example you believe the sun will be shining so without looking at the weather forecast or out of your window you go out 'barefoot' and low and behold it's snowed causing you to freeze and this can be linked to heartache; you fall deeply for someone without fully knowing their background then all of a sudden your heart ends up breaking because they're a complete tw@! It happens to the best of us. The imagery of the veins weeping is astounding.
    I love in this 2nd stanza you compare existence to an avalanche because when we're feeling low we feel like we're failing everybody and there's nowhere to go but on a downwards spiral like an avanlache so it's as if we don't exist. The last line is a deadly concoction.
    Now, this 3rd stanza makes me believe that this is about a particular person in time as it says 'you' and I believe it to be a singular you and how they didn't help as they could have when you were in your lowest times, maybe they help but not enough therefore 'not pushing harder' and now your memories of them 'morph into gray ashes' .. I like that line because I can relate as I've an ex best friend, we were best friends all through primary school (aged 5-11) and up until high school (aged 11-16) and throughout college too and even had our first job together whilst still at college but then she changed and became more manipulative and turned people against me and my memories of her have since faded too so maybe this is about an old friend, an ex possibly even family you don't see. The line 'what still hurts can't be forgiven' is 100% true!
    I absolutely love the imagery of this last stanza, it's really good although I must admit I'm left wondering why 'December only writes tragedies.'
    I really hope your faith can be untrained because not all humans are bad, there are some food people still around.
    One amazing piece, fantastic imagery and rhyming to boot.
    Take care, Em x

  • 3 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    This is just beautiful in a very deep way, I had to double check it was you that I had thought wrote this as it feels a bit different to your usual writings that I remember , but it’s been a while haha

    Love the rhyme , it makes me want to write some new work as this is the style that I used to write so often!

    Powerful pain coming through here and definitely reflects those bad days where everything feels so dark and faith seems non existent

    Sometimes I find these dark times often create the best of our writings