It is three
in the morning,
yet sleep
has not shut my eyes.
I can feel
my heart skip beats
as I repeatedly
think about the past.
What I find funny
about myself
is how naïve
I can be.
I come into a new experience
and think that
I have it all figured out.
What I fail to realize
each time
is that just because
something is new
doesn't mean it is right.
It doesn't mean that
it is better for me
than something previous.
I thought my ex
was a godsend
compared to the guy
before him.
Yet again
the pattern of comparison
to something old
failed me.
As I go through life nowadays
I have to understand
that new isn't always good.
It certainly is different,
and it can definitely be amazing,
but that doesn't mean it is best.
I have to read deeper
into the fine print.
Although it has the potential
to be what truly is best,
the qualifying factor of "new"
is not the only factor that contributes.
If I am ever
going to break this pattern,
I need to look past just
taking the tags off
and going forward blindly.
My emotions get the best of me
whether positive or negative
despite my logical reasoning.
3:16am
and I cannot stop processing
the events prior to now.
I attempt to figure everything out
in the dead of night
when I should be asleep
preparing for another day of life.
Where is that calm headspace
I desperately crave?
